the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
