I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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