the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
