So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
