i permit you to call me
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
