bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
