How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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