No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
