she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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