she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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