Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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