He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
