I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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