the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
