I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
