Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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