I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
