i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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