i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
