if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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