hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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