Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
