stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
