summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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