Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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