so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
