It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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