it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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