my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
