I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
