if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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