she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
