well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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