508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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