BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
