We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
