Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
