Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
