rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
