There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
