The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
