please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
