so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
