I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
