Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
