I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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