so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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