JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
