i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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