I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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